Okay, Let sit now...but first, be patient with me, I am not used to talking to you directly, usually whenever you have arrived, I just lash it out to someone else or I sit quietly and think for happier events, in short, it's my default mechanism to avoid you.  
So, today you decided to come around lunchtime, it was supposed to be a happy gathering time with my office friends, but no, you weighed my mind down, and I even retrieved myself from the table and then called my husband, see...I told you, it's my default mechanism. Often he does not reply to my scolding, and I too rarely push him farther in this uncomfortable zone.

But this time, I want to know you better, I wish to understand the message you wish to convey to me. You have come because you feel it's a proper time to settle a long standing problem: my fear, I am afraid to let my closest human know my actual opinion regarding some situation. Perhaps I am afraid, that if I say what I want to say, then these dearest people will leave me or even hate me. I don't like to get through any conflict, and my dislike is so huge that I am willing to hold my tongue more often than I should, just to keep things seems "okay".

You said I need to understand that I will never know for sure how other people will react to my opinion, or my attitude. To hold my tongue just to make others feel comfortable is not a sustainable way to live my life, and if I keep doing so, eventually I will collapse in distress. I also need to remember that it's better to let others know my true feelings rather than biting my lips, pretending to be okay and hoping others will somehow understand that I am angry with that particular situation.

Then I asked you a very important question, so, what if it happens? what if he gets mad or even hates me, when I say honestly about my feelings? You answered, with that irritating smirk, you have answered it by yourself, you said, so what? that's the answer my girl, so what? You have been through a lot of more awful things than that right? Yes, he probably gets angry with you, so what? Everybody gets mad once in a while, it's actually healthy. And who knows, he might do as well as you, like this. Have a nice conversation with me, the willingness to understand me shows a great maturity level. I am anger, I am naturally strong, to be able to sit together and have an honest conversation with me only happens rarely.

Be open to each guest that arrived at your soul,

Karin Sabrina

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