Last few days, I can’t decide on a topic to write, there were times that I feel: oh, this is a good idea.. but then… this supposedly good idea just fade away and gone away… It seems my mind can’t be settled down.
I tried to use some meditation techniques but failed. There are some wishes, very long due wishes which “seemingly” start to materialize, and probably I become nervous because of that. Have you ever feel that way? when you really really really want something, and then this wishes are starting to show itself in front of you, and you feel… scared and nervous.
This thing that I really want is a resolution from a lengthy conflict I have to face for the last 4 years. If this thing finalized and settled, peace will be mine. So this mental picture of me finally having a peaceful time in life.. after a decade.. is quite overwhelming. I am scared with “what if” questions.. what if I must go through another long period of waiting? what if this conflict just keep going as it is used to..
But today is Wednesday, and I need to write something on this place, it was one of my 2020 new resolutions. I want to be proud of my self at the end of this year ( which is quite hard to do if you ever wear my shoes). So yes the picture above, seems perfectly capture my mind now.