How I did my PhD & raised six boys by DR Wan Zumusni Wan Mustapha

Ms. Zunie and me circa 2018 (left corner up)

A how-to book, but not an ordinary ‘how-to’ book, in this book you will not find a list of “scientific research based easy steps to be a successful entrepreneur overnight, or how to win a million followers in 5 minutes, or a fail-proof business start ups ideas under $20.

Instead of those too-easy-to-be-true-on-being-success steps, in this book you will find a hard truth about being a smart, beautiful, and kindhearted woman. Eh? you might think, it sounds strange.. a woman who is smart, beautiful and kindhearted.. she must be happy then, and probably have a rich husband who will provide her with everything she need, she may also has robust, well rounded children who go to the best schools in her neighborhood, her biggest problem perhaps whether to wear a greenish Michael Kors sling bag or a Kate Spade which is colored in bright blue to a charity event

Nope, in her culture (which strikingly similar to mine), a smart woman is good, but not too smart. When a woman becomes too smart or read too much of good books and even write , she will be categorized into “too smart” according to her husband or her family or her colleague, she will find it hard to sit quietly in the middle of small talks. Her opinion will be somewhat different and not always easy to be accepted in her social circle, a best friend for 30 years become a casual friend. She will often question herself, why can’t I be just ‘normal’?

Beautiful and kind hearted; Ms. Zuni captures the curse of being beautiful perfectly in page 7.

I have always been the sweet, obedient and clever eldest daughter my father is proud of. My fair complexion, thanks to my mother Thai-Chinese’s gene, my dimpled smile and kind personality have drawn men in and out of my life for the wrong reasons. The curse of being beautiful. I wish I knew the difference between love and lust much earlier.

So that’s the truth, every woman .. no matter her social class, her financial/marital/fertility situation, her family/education/religious/race background.. every single woman.. fight silently in the war we have known nothing about. So girls… be kind with your other women fellow.

Ms. Zunie’s first ex-husband with whom she has 5 boys (include twins), had an affair and he also was abusive, physically, verbally, emotionally.. no he is not uneducated man, he was a doctorate degree student’s too.. As a man and a husband and a foreign student (he is an Acehnese) he demanded respect, care, support, and of course a loving beautiful wife. But he (as with many men I know) forget that he too must provide a safe place for his family, provide his family needs, and beyond all, he must put up with the rain if he wants to see the rainbow. He can’t expect his wife to be at his side all the time if his wife is pursuing an academic career and a part time student of doctorate degree in college. He can’t expect to be respected by his wife family if he is not the bread winner in his household. He can’t expect a wife that look like Angelina Jolie if he, himself has no other similarity with Leonardo Dicaprio except for their gender. These thing should be obvious, yes? How could a man with appearance of a primitive fish like Coelacanth, then expect his wife, without any emotional, and financial support, turn herself into Priyanka Chopra? Sigh…..

Ms. Zunie’s second ex husband, is her best friend, and from the book, I assumed they remain best friend until today. She was a second wife to this man. Yes. A high educated woman who become a second wife, soon after a bitter divorce from her first husband.

Despite all, she earned her PhD. The reader will also read many terms that related to research, qualitative methodology, data collection, data analysis and so on. But for those who are not a big fan of these academic paper terms, no worries, you will still feel inspired with this book, because the book is written so eloquently based on her true and not so idyllic experiences personal life.

I wish you to be safe and happy, healthy and calm whenever, wherever you are at your life at the current moment.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s