The Journey

I wrote this in 2016,

Another year almost pass by, I’m still here. It’s another perfect-with-its-imperfections year.  Another shattered heart,  lots of disappointments, accompanied with endless gratitude and lots of the teary laughter.

At the beginning of this year, I have chosen unknown path,  yes, I was freakingly scared… All I want in life is.. Happiness. Yep.. You read it right.  The big H. I want to be happy. I thought it was a simple thing to ask in life. Well.. It is simple thing, but if we really want to be happy,  it means that we need to let go a lot of things. Let the anger go, let the weariness go… Let the judgment go…I kept all this negativity once, and I am far from happy.  

Then life give me a string if lessons ( a.k a problems)  ,  because when we want something really bad,  the whole universe will conspire to give it to you ( beware of your wish is real people!)  I want to be happy,  life showed me the things that inhibit the growth of happiness within me and I was forced to let go all this things.  

All the things I faced this year, shattered my old self.. But I am grateful nevertheless, because at the end of this year,  I feel that I am a brand new person. To be happy means to be grateful for life. We don’t need expensive things,  don’t need everything first class, all we need to nurture the growth of happiness is gratefulness. I believe that in life I never lose. I either win or learn. 

It seems like I constantly have a stormy life.. But this is the only life I have.. So I’m going to have a life Worth living.  Full of love.. Full of hope..

All is well.. All is well.. Amen..  Amen.

The second writing comes from 2018, this one actually surprised me a lot, I have no idea that I can write like this,

I believe survival looks good on me. In darkest moments, it’s easier to find the faintest light.

In the grim day, you’ll appreciate the glimpse of sunlight peeking through the grey clouds.

The storm usually walks into our life without prior notice, surrounded by her entourage, the heavy rains, strong winds, and thunderous lightning.And those are the perfect moment to capture the beauty of the storm. She is big, captivating, powerful, nothing can stand against her terrifying glory.Instead of thinking, why this storm must happen in this particular place and time, start to see it as a way for the universe to communicate an important message to you.

It is very common for us to stay quietly in our place, not willing to sacrifice the known for the unpredictable darkness of the unknown. The storm made us move, her untimely arrival force us to jump into the unknown regardless of our own fear. I’ve read some time ago, a person who has died (figuratively speaking, of course, I have no intention in featuring zombie in this note) several times in life, usually have this different and interesting personality.

I admire those who survived those storms and took a pride for it; as if they said loudly, I am the chosen one, I experience some things which no one but me can endure. Their survival made them good looking, their appearance somehow improves, the skin looks radiant, they speak eloquently, they walk gracefully, they made decisions mindfully.In a complicated manner, the strings of bad days, the bitter experiences, the river of tears, un-mended broken hearts, a parade of disappointments, all of them shaped us into who we are today.

If we are considered ourselves as the chosen few, our survival too shall make us good looking (results may vary but usually still in the range of good and attractive)Cheers,I honor these bitter days as I cheerfully accept the sunshiny days. And for you my dearest reader… I hope you do well in all areas of life, and if you were soaking wet under a thunderous storm right now… I send you prayers, so you have the strength to get by, so you are able to see the beauty of this storm, and please remember, no matter how terrifying the storm is … that too shall pass.Amen.

The third writings is the latest, I write this on february 2020,

Last few days, I can’t decide on a topic to write, there were times that I feel: oh, this is a good idea.. but then… this supposedly good idea just fade away and gone away… It seems my mind can’t be settled down.

I tried to use some meditation techniques but failed. There are some wishes, very long due wishes which “seemingly” start to materialize, and probably I become nervous because of that. Have you ever feel that way? when you really really really want something, and then this wishes are starting to show itself in front of you, and you feel… scared and nervous.

This thing that I really want is a resolution from a lengthy conflict I have to face for the last 4 years. If this thing finalized and settled, peace will be mine. So this mental picture of me finally having a peaceful time in life.. after a decade.. is quite overwhelming. I am scared with “what if” questions.. what if I must go through another long period of waiting? what if this conflict just keep going as it is used to..

But today is Wednesday, and I need to write something on this place, it was one of my 2020 new resolutions. I want to be proud of my self at the end of this year ( which is quite hard to do if you ever wear my shoes). So yes the picture above, seems perfectly capture my mind now.


So, there you go… My writings from three different times in my life.

Love, RirinKoko

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