I found an article yesterday about the pattern of harassment from an abusive ex husband. It is said that from the report of some survivors, the harassment is usually worsened if the ex wife seems to be living well.

So, if the ex wife has a new job, get new friends, enter a healthy relationship, enjoy her life, these things ruin the narrative that the abuser builds around her. So each accomplishment becomes an attack on the abuser’s ego. The pattern showed me something important. I am living my life well and happier now. And it shows, even to my abuser. And it hurts his ego.

Surely, this is not applied to all stories like this. But it resonates well with me. And maybe for lots of women out there.

To all my fellows whose dealing with this kind of situation, I send you strength. Yes the road to heal is long but it’s not impossible. An abuser still looking for access even years after the divorce settlement, because he wants your attention. Let go of all emotional access. It takes time, and it’s never a short time, I assure you. But it is worth every time.

I write this because I also need to remind myself that I am one of the strong survivors of an abusive household. Shame is never mine to carry.

Karin Sabrina