It’s been some time since the last time I sat here on my front porch and typing on this blog.  Today is Saturday and there’s no schedule to go anywhere, I’m happily at home and sit on the verandah.  I’m thinking about privilege now.

I used to think I’m not having a ‘privileged’ life,  no flashy address, not riding the latest SUV, fighting with enormous debt, having no flashy position in the office, not changing my work bag for 5 years now, and I am still washing and ironing the clothes by myself.

But lately, some ideas have come up. I am lucky to have to deal with the financial crisis at this time; huh?! Yes… I also huh?! First time that idea came across my mind. I am certain now my attitude shifts toward buying clothes-bag-shoes way more than what I actually need is a byproduct of this debt, the reluctance to swipe the credit card for another pair of shoes, the pride because I successfully quenched the impulsive buyer in me and the strange satisfaction when I found out that I actually can easily mix and match all of my clothes.

This time I still have a job that pays me a decent salary. The job is not difficult per se, but the office politics and dramas are draining me. If there’s no enormous debt that reminds me of the due date every other day, I probably have resigned years ago.

My appetite for expensive dine out is also corrected by this unlovable teacher. I rarely dine out now, I even have a very balanced diet now; lots of fruits, real food, minimum portions  of everything. Honestly.. I still envy the gut of that reckless girl who dared to swipe the credit card, paid the expensive dinner, without even thinking twice!

So I might not have a flashy life, but I realized I have a privileged life now. A regular running to lose the stress, a balanced diet and a serious effort to keep my sleeping time long enough, and keep my reading and writing time as a sacred time, those are privileges that I have. For everything else, I have enough, more than enough even.

It’s not a lovable teacher, it’s annoying to the core, but a debt is still a teacher. My question now is when will I pass this lesson 😭? Soon I hope… Soon.

Karin Sabrina