A spouse is like a prism—
changing shape and color depending on how the light falls,
how we look at them,
how we feel in the moment we’re looking.

I forget where I read that,
but it has stayed with me.

Because it’s true.
I’m never quite the same person in the morning as I am at night.
And neither is he.
I forget that, too—often.

When he gently asks me to shift my thinking,
I sometimes go quiet, sullen.
I don’t like being told what to do.
But—oh—how quickly I forget
that I too- often told him what to do.
Bless his heart, truly.

Maybe I need to remind myself, more often than I do,
that everyone walks through life at their own pace.
Just because this man said, “I do,”
doesn’t mean he’ll always see things the way I do.
And maybe—thank goodness for that.
Maybe his different view
is what brings the unexpected colors into our shared light.

And just as I long for him to see
the little and big efforts I make to build this marriage—
to notice, to affirm—
he’s quietly hoping for the same.
We all want to be seen.
We all want to be told: “I see what you’re doing. I see how hard you’re trying.”

Man or woman—we all want that.

These days, I’m learning to build gentle walls
between my marriage and the noise of the outside world.
Not because I don’t care,
but because I know—
no one else lives inside this home, this heart, this quiet daily work.
Family, friends—they see a fraction.
We all do.
So I’ve stopped letting others define what a husband should be,
or what a wife must do.
I’ve stopped letting outdated rules tell me how to love.

We do what works for us.
That’s more than enough.

A prism, yes—
may we never forget that we are all always changing.
That marriage is never still.
It’s light in motion,
color in flux.
Ever-shifting,
ever-surprising,
ever-beautiful.

P.S. I wrote this through the lens of my own experience in a monogamous marriage. The prism metaphor, for me, reflects the shifting light and growth between two people committed to walking life closely together. I imagine it may resonate differently—or not at all—for those in open or non-traditional relationships. That’s okay. This is just one window into love, not the whole house.

Karin Sabrina